Weekly World News Reports on Disturbing Trend

In a breathless article entitled “ALIENS ATTEMPTED TO ABDUCT A BIGFOOT!,” The Weekly World News reports that:

Two hunters who witnessed the scene said three little green men with big eyes and bloated foreheads snatched the unsuspecting sasquatch right from the cave he was sleeping in.

This sounds all too familiar… Bigfoot abductions are way, way up over the past five years, and the government’s refusal to even look into the matter points to a massive conspiracy.

The story’s a bit light on the details, but goes on to say:

“Not two minutes after they closed the door, however, it opened back up and the Bigfoot came crashing down the ramp,” he said. “I guess the aliens didn’t know exactly how bad these pioneering Bigfoots smelled.

This account is obviously tainted by the hunters’ prejudices about bigfoot. In fact, I’d like to take this opportunity to clear up this common misconception: Bigfoot does not smell bad. Most sasquatch bathe daily, and some even use scented hair gels.

If I saw bigfoot come back out of the ship, my first reaction would be to call an ambulance, because you know there are likely three dead aliens on that ship now. Bigfoot’s pretty good at playing along with jokes up to a point, but you know when they started strapping him down, things probably got real ugly real quick.

I won’t comment on the reporter’s apparent lack of basic journalistic skills such as the ability to write, or knowledge of the five Ws.

Here’s a link to the full story.

• National Geographic on Bigfoot
• Vanity Fair at the Texas Bigfoot Conference
• Pretty Pictures by Roger Hagadone
• Woot Shirt: Bigfoot/Nessie ‘08
• Pink Panther Sasquatch Footprint Found in British Columbia